It's weird to compare and contrast the people we are with who we used to be...
I never thought in a million years I'd be 26, living with my mother and unemployed. I also never thought it would be the time in my life where I'd be the happiest. Although this is one of the less enjoyable moments of my life for a few reasons, it's also the most educational. I'm unhappy with my financial situation and my physical appearance. For the first time ever in my life, those are the only two things that I'm genuinely unsatisfied with. Two things? That's it? There are so many more that I'm thrilled about and it's insane to me that for once, the good outweighs the bad in my life. I have some amazing friends in my life, every day I get to hug, kiss and be there for a fabulous 6 year old and it has reminded me of why I want to have children one day, I am getting to know my family all over again, I have traveled and lived on the other side of the world, I'm free, I'm still scared of life and all the risks involved but now, I use that fear as fuel instead of letting it hold me down. I love someone and that is mind blowing for me because I seriously thought I didn't have the ability anymore. This isn't love like, we're getting married and having babies. It is not, if I'm not with this person I will just fall apart. It is not, I could never see myself with anybody else. It is just, love. The kind that just is and regardless of what type of relationship we have or will have, I'm happy that I just feel this way. I am grateful for every moment we share, every time he makes me laugh, every hug and every smile we share. He is one of my best friends and if that's all it ever is, I'd be happy with that.
I'm doing research into long-term travel. I'm almost positive I don't want to be part of any program. I think I just want to set off on my own. It might take me awhile to get there but I know that's one of my life goals. I'm projecting that I will get this job tomorrow. It would be perfect because it is right next to the college up here. That means I can further my education as well as pay off debt/save for traveling/moving. Tomorrow I will resume my Summer 2012 fitness routine. I'm actually really excited about that. It's been a long time coming and I'm ready to be healthy again. I'm excited to be heading in a positive direction. To be getting my life back on track, a better track than it was on before.
Every day and everything I have is a gift...a gift I'm incredibly grateful for.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Flimsy Writing Material
It's hard to write a blog about love/dating/relationships/sex when it's not an option or priority. I'm isolated up here and the person I'd like to make a go of it with isn't in the picture or near me. The only thing I think of on a regular basis is sex and well, that's because I have, uh, a healthy sex drive to say the least.
I was talking to a friend today and she had recently been broken up with. One of her statements was, "I feel like I have everything except the partner." I had to stop that way of thinking and I told her to do the same. There are plenty of people, men and women, who live the single life and do it happily. Besides, if you're not happy by yourself, don't think you are going to be happy with anybody else. This is an intelligent, sweet, funny and BEAUTIFUL woman. She is extremely accomplished, anybody would be lucky to get a chance with her. She just dates one idiot after another, I don't get it. I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than in a relationship for all the wrong ones. I guess I just don't understand the mentality of people who can't handle being single. I think it's awesome most of the time. I don't have to worry about answering to anybody, being responsible for someone else's feelings, I can spend as much time with my friends and family as I want. My perfect person is someone I don't even feel like I'm committed to. :) Of course I'd like a relationship, to build something real with someone, but I'm not going to sacrifice who I am or what I want to do that. I'd rather just be alone.
Started me thinking...why do people end up in and then stay in, unfulfilling relationships? Or with partners that hold them back? The person you're with should always push you to be a better version of yourself. Not that I'm not motivated on my own but the type of person I want to be with will always be asking me what's next, not are you done yet?
I was talking to a friend today and she had recently been broken up with. One of her statements was, "I feel like I have everything except the partner." I had to stop that way of thinking and I told her to do the same. There are plenty of people, men and women, who live the single life and do it happily. Besides, if you're not happy by yourself, don't think you are going to be happy with anybody else. This is an intelligent, sweet, funny and BEAUTIFUL woman. She is extremely accomplished, anybody would be lucky to get a chance with her. She just dates one idiot after another, I don't get it. I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than in a relationship for all the wrong ones. I guess I just don't understand the mentality of people who can't handle being single. I think it's awesome most of the time. I don't have to worry about answering to anybody, being responsible for someone else's feelings, I can spend as much time with my friends and family as I want. My perfect person is someone I don't even feel like I'm committed to. :) Of course I'd like a relationship, to build something real with someone, but I'm not going to sacrifice who I am or what I want to do that. I'd rather just be alone.
Started me thinking...why do people end up in and then stay in, unfulfilling relationships? Or with partners that hold them back? The person you're with should always push you to be a better version of yourself. Not that I'm not motivated on my own but the type of person I want to be with will always be asking me what's next, not are you done yet?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)