Tick, tick, tick.

Is it my "biological clock" or society or my own desire that keeps me thinking about having kids/settling down lately? Maybe it's being up here where I feel like I fit in a little more. Women here are strong, work just as hard as men and it is VERY much country living. I haven't felt anxious about going out when the weekend comes around. I sit on my back porch, listen to my music and drink a little whiskey. I go to bed before 10 and most nights before 9. I get up before the sun to hang out with my family before brother heads off to work and Jamie heads off to school. I cook, I clean and I look for jobs. I'm more excited about helping Jamie with her homework than talking to my friends. I know that there will be moments where I'm going to want to go be rowdy, drink a little too much and have a good fuck, but right now, I'm so content. I went to visit my aunt and uncle the other night, they invited us over for dinner. As we sat talking my aunt started bringing up marriage, kids, dating and all that shit. It is expected up here that women hurry up and pop out some kids. In my aunt's eyes I'm "gettin' up there" and need to find a husband. Not that I would be upset if I met the man of my dreams tomorrow but it's not my main focus in life. Maybe I am realizing that I'm 26, I'm still single and my expectations of a partner/relationship are a lot different than majority of women's. Finding the kind of man that would WANT to be with someone like me seems nearly impossible. I don't have a problem at all if I just want to have sex but if I hold off on that to try to get to know someone....

I don't know. My aunt just started me thinking about societal pressures, ideas pushed on us women starting as children and whether or not I actually want any of the "ideal" things women are supposed to want. Maybe I just want to work a little, travel a lot and find someone who wants to do the same until we can't anymore. If there's a kid in there somewhere ok, if not, whatever. Oh who am I kidding...I'm an old fashioned family woman who wants to have children and a husband to share it all with. My life will still be fulfilling and enjoyable without it but it would be nice. Now where did the desire for all this come from???.....Me? Society? My family? Ideas...???