Sexual Evolution

It's funny how we evolve over the years. All these different facets of ourselves change and shift. We gain or lose weight, change styles, attitudes are altered and goals are switched. What I'm going to focus on is my own personal sexual evolution. It's been the subject of scrutiny for awhile now. From people I've never even met calling me a slut to my closest friends putting in their two cents. But, they're my choices and why does anyone else have the right to judge what I do?

I'll break it down like this. Sex is fun. Sex feels good. People should have sex. Nobody should be made to feel negatively about what is a natural and enjoyable part of life. Sex is not strictly for relationships. Sometimes, what I need, is a good, fun fuck. No breakfast in the morning. No cuddling. Let's just get off and get on with life. Fucking is also not just for men. I am a woman with the sex drive of a teenage boy. I want it almost anytime and I'm not ashamed of my needs. Having said that, here's my history.

I lost my virginity when I was 13 to my first boyfriend. I lost my lesbian virginity when I was 14 to my best friend. My entire childhood sex, masturbation or anything related to those two things was made out as dirty and a sin. This started my lifetime of struggling with negative feelings regarding sex. As a teenager and young adult I used sex in a manipulative way. Either to manipulate others or myself. It wasn't until I was divorced that I really explored every aspect of my sexuality. This led to dating/sleeping with men and that opened up a whole new world of guilt for me. I was betraying my lesbian identity and community. I was a slut, whore, promiscuous...whatever.

Over the past three years I've come to some conclusions. One, I will do whatever I want to, regardless of society's ideas of what is acceptable behavior. Two, as long as I'm not intentionally hurting anyone everything is okay. Three, a sexually frustrated Anne Marie is a bitchy one and nobody likes me when I'm frustrated, sexually or otherwise. Four, random one night stands are not for me, but, sex with my good friends is my favorite. It can't be completely void of connection, I have to actually like the person to have sex with them. I'm not trying to fill any emotional void, I'm trying to feel physically good and release some aggression. I am not the typical female.

My last little stage of evolution is realizing that not everyone is going to be accepting or understanding of my views when it comes to sex. I have lost the interest of people because of my perspective or my brutal honesty. Call me a slut, a whore or whatever your choice word may be. The only difference between me and most women is that I'm not ashamed nor do I hide who I am and what I do. I'm not a bad person, on the contrary, I'm actually a really good person with a big heart and lots of compassion. I just keep it real. Love me or...leave me.