Two Peas in a Pod

This is my interview with my friend of almost eleven years. We both were out in the lesbian community at the same time in Fresno and have remained friends over the years. A couple years ago I started dating men. It was new, scary territory for me and none of my other lesbian friends had started dating men yet (it's become a trend, there are at least three other lesbians I've known for years that have started dating men). Tina just recently over the summer started dating a guy, it didn't work out but she did gain some experience. I wanted to get her perspective on the whole situation because being a lesbian dating men is completely different than two heterosexual people dating. Tina and I are very similar women, we want the same things, we're both Taurus women and we've both had some extremely painful relationship experiences. I understand why she is exploring the idea of dating men instead of women....

1. How long did you identify as a lesbian?

1999 to 2011...so 12 years, came out when I was 19.

2. How did you come to the conclusion that you wanted to date men?

It started before my last lesbian relationship. My mom was telling me that it's not working out with women, maybe I'm not finding the right person, maybe I needed man to take care of us. Thought about it, told my mom no way. My mom said just be open, consider it. First time I made out with a guy since Dylan was born, was 2 years ago, old co-worker when we went and had drinks. Then had a date and I went home with him. It was very confusing for me, he got back with his gf and I didn't have time to process. Then I had a one year relationship with a crazy alcoholic woman that ended horribly. After we broke up I went out for 2nd Saturday and this guy turns around and starts talking to me. He asked me "What do you do?" Etc. Just started a conversation and after 5 minutes he asked or my number. I wasn't used to getting hit on by guys and it was weird. Kinda freaked out, "Did I give him my number???" I turned him down over and over but he didn't stop. We met up finally, had drinks, went back to his place and slept together. Aftwards I freaked out and ran down the street crying.

3. What was it like dating a man?

It was great. I actually felt secure, happy and protected. He was bigger, taller and stronger. He could just pick me up and toss me around. It was nice to be guided and protected. With women it was always 50/50. He wanted to do things for me. It's something I've never experienced before.

4. Are there similarities between dating men and women? No, I can only speak for me but I can say it was completely different. How we were together, where we went, what we did, the sex, it was all different.

5. Do you now have a gender preference? That's a tough one. I honestly don't know if I can answer that right now because I'm still a little stuck on that one guy. Until I meet another guy and try to date him I won't know if it was just him or his gender. I definitely want to try it again. But then there are some girls that I think are cute too. I can honestly say, over the summer, I could have seen myself having a life with that person, falling in love and having a family, without looking back. I could see the future, I don't think I would have regretted it.

6. What was it like having sex with a man for the first time in so many years? Honestly, the first couple of times I was completely intoxicated. After a couple times, as we continued to date, the sex was amazing! It was amazing. I don't think I've had that many orgasms in my life.

7. What do you look for in a potential partner? There has to be attraction, I do prefer the dark features. Dark hair, light eyes. Right now, I'm looking for someone who wants to have a family with me. I already have a teenager and I'm open to having another baby. It's been just my son and I for so long by ourselves that I would like the stability. Laughter in the house, combined families and big holidays. I'm tired of small, I want big. Of course I need chemistry and great sex. I don't care about the money, cars or expensive things. I just want to be happy and have a family.

8. How did your friends/family respond? My mom was ecstatic. My son was cool, whatever makes you happy. My close friends were very accepting. His friends were very accepting, I'm sure the guys had a few jokes when I wasn't around. Then there were a few aquaintances and ex's friends that I ran into when we were together, they actually weren't very nice. They were rude, yelling, saying "Tina, who are you with??" Made me feel very small. He just took my hand and said, "Are you ok?" My ex had a huge fit. She had a lot of mean things to say, like I just wanted dick and for someone to pay for everything. Not very nice at all.

9. Any comments or advice for adult women barely entering the heterosexual dating scene? I can't really say that I'm one to give advice but I'm still trying to figure my ways. Just be open and see what happens, if I hadn't had my mom telling me that I might not have. Unfortunately, nothing is forever, if you find that you're with someone or doing something you don't like, you can always go back. But....just know that whether it's a man or a woman, it could always end in heartache. (Wow super positive Tina.)